I had been struggling with a painful tooth all weekend. Before rising on Sunday morning, I was lying in bed thinking about how much effort I put towards avoiding pain. I wear gloves when handling rough wood, avoid foods past the expiration dates, use a traffic app to go around bad congestion and don’t answer my phone when the Spam Alert pops up. I get really frustrated with myself when I experience pain that could have been avoided.
But what about unavoidable pain? I was born with loose shoulder joints that required surgery when I was in high school. I was allergic to all painkillers available at that time, so it was an extremely difficult recovery. This was a painful experience that was unavoidable and, therefore, less frustrating.
Character Development
As I reflect on all the challenges I have encountered in my life, most of them I would have passed on if given the choice. They were all unpleasant to go through and not part of my game plan. I viewed them at the time as distractions and detours from the straight path to my goals. But now with some perspective, I can see parts of my character that were developed along the way. I am more empathetic to those going through similar struggles and much more resilient after being tested by the winds of adversity.
Resilient
I read that resilience is what happens to a hilltop sapling that is regularly hit by high winds as it grows. The bending but not breaking causes its roots to grow deeper than normal to withstand the environment. That is what painful experiences have done for me. Just the knowledge that I have been through the struggle and survived makes me mentally stronger when the next thing happens. I remember the initial thoughts of doubt that were not helpful in the moment and can intentionally frame new events in much more helpful ways.
Missing Out On Life
What about how I face new challenges in the future? When facing unavoidable pain, I can be confident from past experience that I have the fortitude to endure and move measurably forward. But when facing avoidable pain will I go to such extreme lengths to avoid the unpleasantness that I miss out on significant things in life? For example, I hate nausea, stomach bugs and food poisoning. All you have to do is mention throwing up and my stomach tightens up. Looking at expiration dates in my refrigerator is a minor investment to avoid potential illness. But if I hear there is an illness going around and decide to miss some public gatherings in an effort to make sure I don’t get sick, that is not a healthy game plan. My fear of the pain has motivated me to miss out on parts of life that I was meant to experience. Or skipping really spicey food right before a long road trip is a minor sacrifice and a wise decision. But if I skip the trip because I got carsick a few years ago, it is a debilitating choice that causes me to miss a potentially incredible journey.
Thought Filter
A great regular exercise when stressed is to ask yourself, “What am I telling myself right now? Is it true? Is it helpful?” Just filtering your thoughts through these questions can provide some excellent perspective and help move you towards staying engaged in life. This is a great topic to share with a friend as well. Outside perspective can help you see when you are out of balance.
What pain are you trying to avoid today?
