Sitting across from Frank, a relatively new manager, was Andy…a good friend who was well-liked by everyone on the trading floor.
When pressed, Andy had just admitted that he had been hiding losses while attempting to trade his way back to profitability.
Hiding losses can spiral out of control quickly and was grounds for immediate dismissal.
What should Frank do?
Not Popular
Have you ever faced a decision that wasn’t going to be popular no matter what you chose?
If you were a leader during COVID, you know exactly what I mean.
If you’ve ever parented a teenager, you’ve likely experienced being the least popular person in the house because of a decision you made. Many of those decisions stood directly between your teenager and a funky good time.
For some people, making unpopular decisions is especially difficult.
Why?
Because many of us struggle with a hidden leadership trap: the need for approval.
We have all heard of “fight, flight, or freeze.” Recently, I heard a fourth response added to the list: “fawn.”
Fawning is becoming overly accommodating, appeasing others or surrendering your own convictions in order to maintain acceptance.
Shows Up In Subtle Ways
Many people overcommit because they want to be liked.
Many avoid difficult conversations because they don’t want to disappoint someone.
Many delay accountability because they fear damaging a relationship.
The opposite of people-pleasing is not becoming harsh, cold or selfish.
The opposite is living according to your values rather than the approval of others.
Consider These Questions
- Is your calendar consistently fuller than your available time?
- Do you frequently agree to things that are not really your preference?
- Do you find giving constructive feedback difficult?
- Do you avoid conflict, especially in meetings?
- Do you hesitate to make decisions that might be unpopular?
If you answered “yes” to several of these questions, you may be giving other people too much influence over your decisions.
10 Ways To Be A More Secure Leader
Here are ten ways to address people-pleasing and become a more secure leader:
1. Define Your Values
Drill down on what truly matters to you. Clear values make difficult decisions easier.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
Protect your calendar and your priorities.
3. Learn to Say “No”
“No” is a complete sentence. You do not need to justify every boundary.
4. Hold Others Accountable
Accountability is not unkind. In fact, it is often one of the most caring things a leader can provide.
5. Gain Perspective
Ask yourself, “One year from now, what will I wish I had done?”
6. Invite Objections
Allow people to be heard. Then make the decision that aligns with your values and responsibilities.
7. Deliver Bad News Yourself
Don’t delegate difficult conversations simply because they are uncomfortable.
8. Rein In Chronic Complaining
Not every complaint deserves equal attention. Leaders must address issues without allowing negativity to dominate the culture.
9. Be Authentic
Be the same person with your boss, your peers, your direct reports and your family.
10. Value Respect and Trust Over Being Liked
Being liked feels good. Being trusted changes organizations.
Make sure you can look yourself in the mirror each morning knowing you did what was the right thing to do, not the easiest.
What Did Frank Choose?
Back to Frank and Andy.
As painful as it was, Frank told Andy he had no choice but to let him go.
The entire division was shocked and saddened.
But they also respected Frank.
He demonstrated that the standards applied to everyone and that leadership sometimes requires difficult decisions.
The desire to be liked is natural.
The courage to do what is right is leadership.
Your Steps
What steps have you taken to make sure you do the right thing, even when it isn’t popular?
