Most of us encounter at least one difficult person in every season of life. They show up at work, in volunteer groups and even in your personal life. The challenge isn’t only surviving these interactions—it’s staying calm, effective and growing as a leader while you do.
Here’s a quick snapshot of the types of behaviors we’re talking about:
- Too loud/attention-seeking — at times inappropriate in groups
- Too chatty/dominating — hard to disengage from, rarely asks questions, may drift into gossip
- Too touchy/hyper-sensitive — often hurt or angry about something
- Too quiet — hard to read, rarely contributes ideas
- Too deflective — never at fault, takes no responsibility
Sound familiar? These aren’t necessarily “bad” people. Many simply lack self-awareness and unintentionally frustrate those around them.
5 Practical Strategies
The good news: you can keep your composure and stay effective. Here are five ways to do it:
1. Take the Direct Approach
Ask permission to be candid: “Would you be open to some feedback?” Delivered respectfully, this can open the door to a real conversation and reduce tension. You might be the first person to care enough to let them know how they are coming across.
2. Create Healthy Boundaries
- Choose to interact when you have the bandwidth.
- Close your office door during deep work.
- Tell chatty coworkers you want to listen but only have five minutes…can you summarize?
- Invite quieter team members into the discussion.
- Ask deflective people what they’re willing to own
3. Set Mutual Communication Rules
Establish your own personal ground rules for healthy communication and invite them to share theirs. Compare lists and find common ground.
4. Help Them Find a Better-Fitting Role
Tools like DISC, Working Genius or the Enneagram can help them (and you) understand strengths, stressors and blind spots. Sometimes a different role or environment lowers the friction dramatically.
5. Forgive in Advance
Author Brant Hansen calls this one of the strategies to being “unoffendable.” Decide ahead of time to not get triggered and let go of offenses keeps you from spiraling into resentment and protects your own well-being.
Bonus Tip: Have a Go-To Redirection Question
If a conversation is going south, pivot with a positive question:
- “What are you excited about right now?”
- “What are you most looking forward to in this season?”
- “Who’s been most influential in your professional life—and how?”
If you have to be around these personalities, you might as well redeem the time with constructive discussion.
Your Turn
What’s your favorite way to handle difficult people at work or in life? Share it in the comments—I’d love to hear what works for you.
And while you’re at it, run through the behaviors above and ask yourself: Could I be the difficult person in someone else’s story?
