There’s no debate: having a mentor accelerates your personal and professional growth. What’s often missing is practical advice on how to actually find the right mentor.
I’ve been blessed with several mentors over my career, each unique, each shaping me in powerful ways. Over time, I’ve noticed a pattern of what worked when seeking a mentor—and what didn’t. In this post, I’ll share the key lessons and steps to help you find the mentor who can truly make a difference.
My Own Journey With Mentors
Early in my career, I joined mentoring groups where leaders walked us through material and answered questions. It was valuable, but easy to “hide” in the crowd.
Informal mentors helped me here and there, but I didn’t actively seek a formal, one-on-one mentor until my early 40s. Pride was in the way—I didn’t want someone too close to challenge my blind spots.
Two things changed my mind:
- I was asked to mentor younger professionals. If I was going to pour into others, I needed someone pouring into me.
- My kids became teenagers. I didn’t want to “wing it” through a season that could shape the rest of their lives.
Those realizations pushed me to seek out real mentors—and each experience taught me something different.
What to Look For in a Mentor
If you’re ready for input, perspective and guidance in your professional and personal life, here’s what to look for:
- Someone ahead of you on the path. Who’s already where you want to be—either in your company or an industry that excites you?
- Someone relatable, but not necessarily identical. Shared background can help, but don’t limit yourself. One of my longest mentoring relationships was with someone very unlike me, and I learned the most from him.
- A lifelong learner. Look for people still growing personally and professionally—not just those with a flashy résumé.
- Someone with battle scars. Smooth sailing is rare. Mentors who’ve weathered storms can offer richer insight than those with “perfect” lives.
- If you’re a person of faith, pray. It’s often overlooked but a powerful way to gain clarity. If not, try it anyway—you may be surprised at what happens.
How to Approach a Potential Mentor
Approaching someone can feel intimidating. Remember: you’re paying them an incredible compliment. You’re saying, “I admire your life and career enough to want to learn from you.”
Be prepared for “no.” My first mentor prospect turned me down—he preferred peer relationships. I was disappointed but later realized he missed out on the blessing of mentoring. Having now been on the other side I realize mentoring is a two-way street; mentors grow through the process, too.
Here’s what worked for me:
- Be specific. Ask for a defined time commitment (for example, meeting twice a month for six months).
- Show up prepared. Bring questions, listen deeply and take notes.
- Respect their time. End meetings on schedule and follow through on what you discuss.
Real Stories From My Mentoring Experiences
- Mentor #1: Declined. Taught me resilience in seeking another.
- Mentor #2: Great fit at first, but he stepped away when my questions about marriage convicted him about his own. It reminded me mentors are human, too.
- Mentor #3: Lasted over a year—every other Sunday night, a notepad full of questions, discussions on career, money, marriage, parenting and faith. I still quote him today.
- Mentor #4: A retired dentist, nothing like me professionally, yet full of wisdom from a life well-lived. We met twice a month for a year and still stay in touch.
Each relationship shaped me in a different way and reinforced that the “perfect mentor” doesn’t exist—but the right one for your season does.
Your Next Step
So—who in your world is worth spending time with and emulating? Be selective, but don’t expect perfection. Look for growth. Approach with humility. Be ready to listen. And be prepared to give back.
Who have been some of your mentors? How did you choose them? Share your experiences in the comments below—I’d love to hear your stories.
