The person sitting across from me wanted help. He was worn out in a senior role and did not know how to get relief. As the saying goes, ‘He didn’t want any more cheese…he just wanted out of the trap.’
He had already gone the self-help route, reading lots of books and taking a few assessments. He had attended leadership seminars and watched plenty of Ted Talks and YouTube videos. He was growing but at a slow, incremental rate.
He also had this nagging feeling that he was missing something….something nobody was willing to tell him. His reviews were pretty good but never gave him anything substantial to work on.
His peers couldn’t understand why he wasn’t content with ‘good enough.’ They would love to have received his scores and were amazed he wanted to raise his own bar of expectations.
I explained that I had been in his shoes for most of my career. I had made good progress but had reached a point where I wanted more but wasn’t sure what ‘more’ looked like or how to get it.
My Breakthrough
My breakthrough came when I realized it was my pride standing in the way. I had been willing to self-assess and work on myself privately. When I had been in mentoring groups, I had been able to hide in the crowd. Rapid growth finally occurred when I sucked up my pride, gave up control of the process and was willing to let someone else help me get out of my own way. This came in the form of a coach.
He provided input from an unbiased, external perspective which was helpful to identify what I was missing.
What I Was Missing
This did three things:
- My rate of growth surged because I wasn’t trying to figure out the best route…my coach already knew the best and quickest route from experience and provided plenty of exercises to get to the next level.
- My confidence grew knowing I was being shown what I didn’t see and therefore had all my bases covered…that nagging sense I might be missing something went away.
- I learned to be a coach so that I could first coach myself, then from a healthy place coach others.
Usually when I grab coffee with someone curious about coaching, they have waited far too long to get help. It took them getting to the point where the pain was bad enough to push them past their pride. I tell them to consider when a physician would prefer they come in…when they have a few cuts and bruises or waiting until there is infection or even a sucking chest wound?
As I reflect on what my career and life could have looked like if I had sought help sooner, the biggest impact would have been on my relationships. I would have made fewer mistakes and noticed more opportunities as they came my way.
Two Questions:
What might change, for you and the people around you, if you stopped trying to figure it out alone?
If you know you could use some help, how will you be better off by waiting?
