Here’s a thought that sounds simple but quietly confronts almost everything about how we live:
“It’s not about me.“
I have found this is the real issue in every organization I come across. It’s not a new idea but it might be the first time many of us have really considered it and the implications.
From the moment we wake up, we are trained to focus on ourselves:
- What should I wear today?
- What should I eat or order from the menu?
- What should I listen to in the car?
- What should I watch on my screen?
- How can I be more comfortable?
All day long, we are making decisions designed to please ourselves.
So how could today be anything other than about me?
Why This Matters
For leaders especially, this question matters more than we like to admit.
“Servant leadership” has become a cliché but it remains an aspiration for a reason. When practiced well, it doesn’t just bless those we lead…it transforms the leader as well.
Albert Schweitzer put it this way:
“The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”
Read that again and let it really soak in. We all do things every day to make us happy but how successful are we? If our focus is to increase our comfort and entertain ourselves, according to Schweitzer, we are pulling up short of true happiness.
Selfishness, on the other hand, doesn’t lead to happiness and is universally unattractive. We feel it immediately and recoil from it instinctively.
C.S. Lewis captured the balance perfectly:
“Humility (selfless) is not thinking less of yourself but thinking about yourself less.”
That raises a difficult personal question:
Do I regularly recalibrate my thinking to focus less on myself and more on others?
Why Selflessness Draws Us In
Self-interest is natural.
It’s survival.
It’s self-preservation.
But service without expectation?
That’s unnatural.
And that’s precisely why it’s so compelling.
When someone serves with no angle, no leverage, no hidden agenda it pulls us toward them.
Think about who embodies this:
- People who give their lives to the underprivileged
- Teachers who stay late to help a struggling student
- First responders who risk their lives for strangers
- Parents who quietly sacrifice so their children can thrive
What Do They All Have In Common?
They tend to be:
- Service-oriented – servants at heart
- Curious – they ask about you…which is way more interesting
- Anchored to something bigger than themselves
- Less self-focused (not less valuable)
- Willing to be inconvenienced
I heard Dr. Rob Reimer recently say: “Love begins where comfort and convenience end.”
That one stings a bit because I do not like being inconvenienced.
Living this way will always feel like an uphill fight because everything around us is pushing in the opposite direction.
So…How Do We Practice This?
A few practical anchors:
- Motives are always muddy and mixed…don’t wait for perfect ones
- Don’t let over-analysis or self-doubt stall good action
- Regularly ask: “How am I making this about me right now?”
- Watch how you react when your plans are disrupted…there’s your clue
- If you’re a person of faith, start the day by asking for help to see beyond yourself
Final Question
If your life truly isn’t about you…who or what is it about? Is it bigger than you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Or better yet, reach out and let’s discuss it.
