The leader sitting across from me looked confused.
This was his first 360° feedback report as the new CEO, and he was expecting to see words like:
- Consistent
- Diligent
- Focused
Instead, the feedback read:
- Distant
- Condescending
- Arrogant
He stared at the report.
“This can’t be right.”
He had worked his way up within the company and believed he had built strong relationships along the way. Yet six months into his tenure as CEO, his people were experiencing a very different version of him.
I assured him the feedback was incredibly valuable because we were catching it early.
He half-joked, “At this rate my CEO tenure might be pretty short.”
But the comments gave us something powerful: clarity.
His team wasn’t angry.
They were confused and disappointed.
The Unintentional Intimidation Trap
I asked him a simple question:
“Do you think you are intimidating?”
He shook his head.
So, I shared four common ways leaders unintentionally intimidate their teams.
1. Activity Intimidation
When leaders appear constantly busy, behind schedule or mentally unavailable.
People assume:
“This is not a good time to talk.”
2. Knowledge Intimidation
When leaders feel compelled to share everything they know.
The intention is helpful.
The impact is overwhelming.
3. Demand Intimidation
When language becomes directive:
“You need to…”
“You should…”
Add a pointed finger for emphasis and suddenly the conversation feels more like a command.
4. Passion Intimidation
This one surprises many leaders.
When discussing a favorite topic or pet peeve, passion can become intensity.
The leader thinks they’re inspiring.
Others learn to avoid certain topics in order to avoid the emotion.
Most tend to land in at least one of the Intimidation categories…this CEO landed in all four!
Why It Happened
As we reviewed his feedback, the picture became clear.
His learning curve had exploded after becoming CEO.
His schedule was packed with meetings.
He hadn’t yet gained control of his calendar.
So Activity had increased dramatically.
After twenty years with the company, his Knowledge base was enormous.
Now that he was in charge, he felt obligated to share that knowledge constantly.
The previous CEO had burned out under the pressure of the role, leaving early and emotionally drained. The new CEO felt a strong sense of urgency to stabilize the organization, so Demand was showing up.
And finally, he loved the company’s founder story…a humble beginning that shaped the culture. He told it often to inspire employees but realized he could do so a little too Passionately.
The Plan
We implemented four simple changes.
1. Visibility Signals (addressing Activity)
He scheduled focused work periods with his door closed.
He announced, “When my door is open, you can interrupt me.”
He also added 30 minutes every afternoon to walk around and connect with people.
2. Ask More, Tell Less (addressing Knowledge)
He intentionally asked more questions and limited how much information he delivered in conversations.
3. Change the Language and Body Signals ( addressing Demand)
He reduced directive phrases like:
“You need to…”
And when he caught himself pointing, he switched to an open palm.
Small change. Big signal.
4. Use Stories With Intention (addressing Passion)
The founder story became reserved for company events and onboarding new employees. He also dialed it back a bit.
The Follow-Up
He was energized to improve.
So, he asked if I would conduct another 360° feedback assessment six months later.
I agreed with one adjustment.
Instead of traditional feedback, we would use something even more powerful:
Feedforward.
If you’d like to learn how feedforward works and why it accelerates leadership growth, subscribe and watch the suggested next video.
Final Question
Which of these four intimidations hits closest to home for you?
And what have you done to address it?
