You might think others connect with your strengths and your successes…THEY DON’T!
Could you unintentionally be distancing yourself from those you should be leading?
To be the best leader you should desire stronger connections with your people to get:
- greater influence
- better feedback
- stronger retention
- better collaboration
- access to more ideas
- faster problem solving
All of this contributes to a stronger bottom line…and your culture improves in the process.
So, how do you connect better with your people?
Natural Instinct
Your natural instinct is to lead with your best self…the wins, the highlights, the “look what I’ve accomplished” hoping to be impressive. Someone once called this “building an altar to me.” It feels good in the moment, but it actually creates distance. People admire your strengths but that is not enough. What can you do this week to better connect with your top stakeholders?
A few years ago, I was in a men’s group where the leader had us go around and share our greatest success. The stories were big…championships, career milestones, million-dollar deals.
Then he asked us to share our greatest failure. You could feel the air in the room change. The stories were raw, painful even. And when we finished, the leader went back around the circle and said,
“Tom, I don’t know what it’s like to be a starter on a D1 football team,
but I do know what it’s like to lose a job.
Barry, I can’t imagine closing a $10 million deal,
but I do understand overreacting and losing a relationship.”
He identified with every failure and not a single success. And in that moment, the room got real. Barriers dropped. Connection happened.
The Way to Connection
It is a well-known truth: people identify with your struggles more than your successes. So why do you still only show the highlight reel?
Social media rewards the glossy version of life. But the irony is, authenticity is what actually earns trust…in leadership, in friendship, in everything.
Now, I’m not saying to wallow in negativity. Gratitude matters. But there’s power in dropping the armor at times and being honest…warts and all. It’s not weakness. It’s real strength.
So, here’s an experiment:
This week, ask a coworker, “What’s the toughest part of your job?”
Really listen and ask questions. Then share the toughest part of your job.
You might be surprised how quickly the conversation shifts from polite to real. If you choose to do this with a subordinate, remember your goal is not to be their friend…you are their leader…your goal is to lead with humility and connect.
Experiment Results
Feel free to respond below with what happens. Or even better, ‘message’ me to see if I can help you connect better with the most important stakeholders in your world. By the way, when your work life improves, your personal life tends to get better as well.
