Does it feel like people today are more easily offended, constantly on edge or looking for a reason to complain?
What an exhausting way to move through life. And if you’re a leader, the stakes are even higher. Your ability to stay centered, curious and approachable determines how much honest input you receive. One of your core goals should be creating an environment where people actually want to talk to you.
More Attractive and Approachable
So how do you become more attractive and approachable as a leader?
My wife used to tell our kids: “The best way to be more interesting is to be more interested.”
In other words, get curious.
I’m reminded of the old Dos Equis ads with “The Most Interesting Man in the World.” He always ended with, “Stay thirsty, my friends.”
But what if your aim is to become the most interested man or woman in the world?
Here are five practical ways to build that kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you a stronger leader, better communicator and more compelling person.
5 Practical Ways to Build Curiosity
1. Shift Your Goal From ‘Telling’ to ‘Asking’
In conversations, most people default to talking. The leaders who stand out ask great questions.
Earlier in my career, my wife and I attended our share of obligatory work parties. On the way home, instead of asking, “Did you have a good time?” we began asking, “Did you blossom someone?”
This was our way of encouraging us to help others open up and allow us to get to know them below the surface.
Before any event or meeting, have a few go-to questions:
- “What’s something that surprised you in the last six months?”
- “What’s been the high and low of your month?”
- “If you could redo any part of your career, what would it be?”
Curiosity deepens connection. And connection is your leadership superpower.
2. Stay Neutral When You Hear Opinions
Curiosity dies when pride walks in the room.
Before a discussion, ask yourself: Is my pride in the way?
Remind yourself that none of us became who we are alone. If your instinct is, “I did this on my own…I’m self-made,” that’s a red flag. It often signals a blind spot.
A quick diagnostic: How easily do you give credit to others?
President Harry Truman said it well, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”
Approaching conversations with humility and neutrality helps you listen without defensiveness and that draws people in.
3. Seek Honest Feedback (Even When It Hurts)
Every high-performing leader needs someone who will tell them the truth: a peer, mentor or coach who isn’t impressed by the title. If you want to be inspiring, ask some subordinates but be sure not to hold their input against them.
I once had a client who went through a 360 assessment and received some tough feedback. Instead of integrating it, he sulked for six months. Word spread and now none of his people are honest with him. His reviews have been glowing ever since, but his growth has been capped.
When someone offers you honest feedback, especially a subordinate, you have one job: Just say thank them and receive it well.
If you punish honesty, you’ll never see it again.
4. Watch Yourself on Zoom…On Silent
Remote communication is now a core leadership skill.
Record your Zoom calls and watch them on mute. You’ll learn more in five minutes than you expect. Ask yourself:
- Does my body language invite input?
- Do I look rushed or distracted?
- Am I signaling openness or subtle irritation?
And yes, require cameras on. Reading the room is hard enough remotely. It’s impossible without live screens.
5. Build in More Time Than You Think You Need
If impatience is one of your derailers, this is a game-changer.
Add 25% more time to any interaction you expect to be meaningful.
Some conversations require patience to draw people out. Others move so quickly you need space to absorb the information.
And remember, when speaking with team members who haven’t had much access to you, it may feel like a big moment for them. Nerves can make responses longer or more scattered. Your extra margin of time helps you grant grace and creates an environment where people feel safe to share.
Stay Curious, Stay Approachable
These are five practices I’ve used personally and with clients to build curiosity which is one of the most underrated leadership skills.
These are not exhaustive, so I’d love to hear what has helped you as well. Comment below.
