Have you ever worked with someone who pushed so hard that people literally braced themselves when they walked into the room?
I did.
The strange thing was he wasn’t a bad person at all.
Flipped A Switch
In fact, away from work he was one of the nicest people I knew. But at worked he flipped a switch and came on strong…showing no weakness.
He was one of the best sales guys we had but he incessantly pushed the envelope, constantly pressing for more.
Late on afternoon I pulled him aside and told him something nobody else was willing to say.
“Can I tell you something as a friend?”
His countenance immediately softened and he said, “Sure man, anything.”
What No One Was Willing To Say
I said, “I know you are just trying to do your job, but you tend to push everyone you work with. When people see you coming, they brace for impact.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I tense up and start building a case against the requests I think you’re about to make.”
I could tell this was news to him and he was trying to process the implications. The truth was hard to hear but it was also a gift.
I said, “Knowing you as I do, I don’t think you want that reputation. But there is another reason to consider a different approach.”
He was all ears.
“You may not realize this but there are benefits to being easy to work with. When the market conditions are right, I can pay more than the stated commission…but I don’t have to. In the long run, the more you push the less you make.”
Now he was doubly motivated to be easier to work with. From then on, all our exchanges were ended with a knowing nod and smile.
Most Loving Thing You Can Do
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is speak the truth to someone. While you might not get the best reception, you are likely the only person who cares enough to tell them how they are really coming across.
“Can I be direct?”
That’s the question I usually ask right before addressing something head-on in a coaching session.
I have never had someone respond with, “No, be indirect.”
But when they give me permission, it lowers defensiveness and prepares them for a potential positive change and growth.
Consider Three Things:
- Be clear but kind in choosing your words…Brene Brown says “Clear is kind” which is true but try to avoid shame or deep wounds in the process
- Try to identify with the message if you can…“I struggle with this at times as well…”
- Offer to help going forward…holding people accountable and providing ongoing feedback can be very valuable especially when awareness is not great
One last thing…a mentor once told me that you are not ready to confront someone if you are going to get any enjoyment out of it. That is a great filter to be sure you are in the right frame of mind before being direct.
So…
Who in your world needs someone who cares enough to tell them the truth?
